What is the significance of your native language? Does it help you to connect with people, understand concepts, cognitively progress and has many other life enriching perks. Most importantly does it make you comfortable and secure? Are you born with it?
The autogenetic language we are born with is love. There is a body of work by Dr Richard Davidson, a neuroscientist, which talks about how babies show compassion even before learning to talk. And do we need science to prove that humans are born with love as a default programme. It is a different matter that life’s experiences corrupt this software. And we unlearn to love. Till some scientific study or so-called life hacks remind us to write a gratitude journal or do meditation to up that quotient.
If it is in the default settings of the brain then it has to have a reason to exist. One of the intrinsic values of love is good self esteem and compassion. Giving and receiving love makes us meaningfully empowered. We do not need any outward validation to fill emotional voids. Dr Kristin Neff explains that self-compassion it is not dependent on external circumstances. It is always available, especially when you fall flat on your face and have no where to go. Her study also indicates that self-compassion is associated with greater emotional resilience and less reactive anger.
Is it difficult to love oneself and others? Well, it is always available, you just have to bring it out. Here are a few suggestions
1. Show some love to yourself. If you cannot love and respect yourself then how can you love anyone else or expect others to love you. Start building healthy personal boundaries. Sacrifice suppressed anger but do not sacrifice self-respect. It is ok to practice saying ‘No’ without going down the aisle of guilt. It is man-made, nothing organic about feeling guilty. Self-love does not mean to strut down the narrow lane of self-indulgence. Remember the outcome- It is for your healthy emotional being.
2. Social scientists reveal that a supportive touch releases oxytocin, which makes you feel more trusting and connected, blood pressure is lowered and stress levels reduce. “A soft touch on the arm makes the orbital frontal cortex light up, just like those other rewarding stimuli,” says Matt Hertenstein an experimental psychologist. “So, touch is a very powerful rewarding stimulus — just like your chocolate that you find in your cupboard at home.”
If a teacher taps a student on the back as a friendly gesture, that student is more likely to take interest, the quintessential huddle on the hockey or the cricket field charges the players, a hug after a performance reassures the child, rubbing the back after a bout of tears is soothing, a high five raises the confidence, holding hands makes the aged feel secure. Hugs given in the childhood stay in the cellular memory as reminder of comfort and protection.
“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth” says Virginia Satir, a psychotherapist. Life gives us many moments to show the love in action. Touch is the first sensation we are born with, do not hoard it.
3. Actions speak louder than words, but words too carry weight. Humans are visual, auditory and kinaesthetic beings. Words have immense power when used constructively.
According to the Golden Rule, the ethic of reciprocity- “Do to no one, what you yourself dislike” Tobit 4:15. Spread appreciation, confidence, rightful credit, respect through spoken or written words. Remember, it will come back to you many times over. Be creative with the mediums- text, sticky notes, handmade cards, to do list pad, voice notes, video recording, there is no limit except your own hesitation.
4. Body language reveals what actions or words cannot. How do you feel when you are in a middle of an exciting conversation and your best friend starts checking messages on the phone? Do you see something amiss when you ask a question and the other person is not looking at you? Body does not lie. The best way to bring out love is to truly feel it in your body for yourself and that’s how you would be able to display it to others, without faking it. Some suggestions
– Maintain eye contact in a conversation. Although, don’t expect others to always look into your eyes
– Don’t do something else at the same time. Be fully in the conversation. Respect the moment
– Listen to the feelings behind the words and confirm them with gestures, words and a smile.
– Reveal a little of yourself
5. Little acts of service, kindness and gratitude go a long way in creating joy and satisfaction. A handmade gift, making home cooked food, taking out time, flowers as gifts, etc are a few gestures although done for others give joy to you.
Our body has all the ingredients to feel the high and the bliss, then why spend money to buy short term happiness. The light of knowing is within all of us. Do you still need any proof? Go hug someone right now, person, pet, tree, wall, anything.